My diamond for today is very simple: Colour !!!

Have you ever pictured your life without colour. There is so much colours and so much you can do with colour.  Nowadays every colour has it's own meaning. Every colour can describe something about the mood your in. 

Today I realised how boring my life have become. I love colour, I always have and always will. I couldn't understand why I felt so frustrated sometimes. As I was making some jewellery today I realised that I've been hiding. I've been hiding that side of me, that side that needs adventure, that side of me who needs colour in her life. I am so bored with the current colours in my life. Everything is some shade of brown or a natural colour. Who are the person that made this choices. I love red !!! I love orange !!! I love green and purple. I also love to mix colours. The problem today is this - Everything is either stripes or dots. It is colourful but - not pretty. 

The fact that my garden is also dull and have no colour makes this more obvious. 

But for me to bring colour back in to my life ???? This will take time.

 I think the circumstances you are in also dictates the colours you use. The way you feel about your circumstances. I thought I was happy. I love the job I have at the moment, I love some of the aspects of the house I live in, I thought I've reached a point where I was okay. But every once in a while something happens and then I realise..... I want more. I don't want to end here. I've given up my dreams. I've given up doing the things that I love. Am I selfish ??

I wonder because you see everything is about me and my feelings. How do I get pass this.... Okay !!! This negative attitude. I want to dream. I want to put colour back into my life, but how. These last few days it is as if  I keep on hearing the same sentence. Nobody can change your life except you !!! Nobody can fulfil your dreams except you. But where do I start.

 First I must find my dreams again. 

Then I must convince my husband to also want more.

Then I think we must dream together.

Maybe this is our problem. We don't dream together. We don't dream the same dreams. 

I feel like crying ?? What colour do you think tears is ??

 What colour do you think your tears will be ??

 Will it be happy tears or sad tears ?? 

You know what - just a few weeks ago I said in this same blog space: " Trust God, He will provide. He will keep you safe. He knows your heart and He knows how you feel "

I wonder now, how at this moment my life can be so dull. You see nothing changed except the way I look at my life. What will happen if just one day I stand up and say - I can't take this no more. I can't be the person they want me to be. I can't bear to watch one day longer how my husband is working so hard and never picks the fruit of his hard work. I can't bear to be his number ten or lower any more.... I can't compete with his job any more. I can't keep on worrying about how we are going to survive today, or next month or next year. I'm not happy driving two hundred kilometres alone to get my children to proper schools. I want to move. I want to move on with my life. I'm tired of struggling the same struggle all alone.  I'm just giving up.

What colours will I use in my home then. What colour will you use when the real you finally appears ??

Let me tell you this. I don't know !! All I know is that I need colour in my life again. I need something to give me hope for the future. I need something to let me know that life will not always be so dull !! 

I hope you know the colours of your dreams !! 

I hope God knows the colour of my dreams for at this moment I am still seeking. 

I've lost another battle. But I will stand up again and one day - I will share with you - what it was that made the difference. 

I'm pretty sure I will be telling you that trusting God made the difference but for now I must work on that trust again for the devil came and he took what matters most to me. He took away my hope and made me feel hopeless. He took away my love and now I'm loveless. He took away the sparkle in my eyes and now I'm colourless. He took away my positive attitude and now I'm negative. The sad thing is I let him do all of this. I wasn't awake. I was so sure that I had everything under control, my emotions would't get the best of me again. I just need to hold on to God's promises. 

I'm asking you please. Don't let the devil take God's paintbrush for your life away. Please be strong. Please be aware. Please - keep the faith. Please let God paint the pictures in your life He wants you to see. Please keep on looking. For you will find the meaning of your colours. 

The colours God used to paint the perfect picture of you.